


Fidelity

by SweetPollyOliver



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, Animal Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Grief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-21
Updated: 2016-05-21
Packaged: 2018-06-09 20:29:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6922186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetPollyOliver/pseuds/SweetPollyOliver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Perhaps a Vulcan is not the best suited to comfort someone when their dog dies unexpectedly, but Tuvok is nothing if not willing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fidelity

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Alsaturriad](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alsaturriad/gifts).



Vulcans were telepaths by nature, not empaths, and physical skin to skin contact was usually required for a Vulcan to be able to pick up stray thoughts and impressions from another person. Nevertheless, as illogical as it seemed, Tuvok felt he could almost feel waves of wordless sorrow emanating from Vice Admiral Kathryn Janeway--veteran of multiple encounters with the Borg, the Hirogen, species 8472 and others--as she opened her front door to him, eyes red with crying and tear tracks drying on her cheeks. 

"Tuvok!" she said, seemingly surprised. 

"We arranged to meet at sixteen hundred hours," Tuvok said, a little surprised himself, but externally as composed as ever.

"We did," her head dropped and she pressed the heel of her hand to her forehead. "Oh, Tuvok, I'm sorry, I forgot." 

"Are you well?" he asked. 

"I'm-," Kathryn's face began to crumple as a fresh wave of tears threatened to break forth. "I'm fine," she continued, her voice cracking. "I'm not sick."

"Perhaps you are not ill, but I think that it still cannot be said that you are well," Tuvok said. 

"Come inside," Kathryn reached out and touched his arm briefly before walking back into the house. "I'll make you a cup of tea."

"Perhaps I should make the tea," Tuvok said. "You are very distressed and I would not wish to trouble you. Perhaps...." he looked around as he was brought in, as if trying to determine the source of his friend's grief. "Would it be better if I came back another time?"

Humans were not like Vulcans, who would be deeply ashamed to be caught in so undisguised an emotional state. But equally, in his experience humans did not enjoy being intruded upon unexpectedly when they were distressed. And a Vulcan, even a friend of over two decades, may not be the best companion to provide emotional support. 

"No, no, don't be silly," Kathryn wiped a tear away as it spilled carelessly down her face. "You don't have to leave. I'm sorry I didn't contact you earlier. I just-" 

She stopped in the middle of her living room and turned around to Tuvok. 

"Mollie died this afternoon. About two hours ago," she said simply. Tuvok was not certain what to say. It suddenly occurred to him now that he had not had to fend off the affections of the exuberant Irish setter in question as was typical of his visits here. Before he could think of a response, Kathryn continued, "I shouldn't have been so blindsided by it. She was turning sixteen this year! But she was so healthy, so vigorous. No arthritis, no cancer, no problems with her sight or her teeth. She jumped over the front gate the other day to chase a cyclist; I had to chase her halfway into town." 

Kathryn went to sit down on the large worn couch and motioned for him to sit next to her. "But this morning she just got up, went for a little walk around the garden--slower than usual, it seemed to take a little out of her even just walking slowly like that and smelling things--then when she came in she wasn't interested in having her breakfast and I couldn't encourage her to eat it. Then she went and she lay down in her bed and she stayed there. She'd turn her head if I called her, but she wouldn't get up--and trust me she usually gets up! I'm lucky if I don't get knocked down some days--and then," Kathryn's chin started to wobble and her eyes welled up again, "she just started to go slowly, I think. She napped and then she'd wake up for a little, then she'd nap. I didn't think it was all that unusual and I wasn't _really_ worried, but I went to call the vet to see if she could see her later in the day. And then when I came back she was gone." 

Kathryn's hands had twisted restlessly throughout this story and now gripped the edge of the couch so tightly that the bones of her knuckles strained against the skin as she squeezed her eyes tightly shut. 

"I'm sorry that I'm so emotional," she said brokenly. "I know that it must be a little oppressive to be around."

"If I was unprepared to be around people in states of heightened emotions, I would not have chosen to make friends with humans. And any discomfort that I might experience as a result of your emotional state cannot be compared to what it is that you are feeling," Tuvok said and placed a hand over her own. She turned her hand so that they were palm to palm and laced their fingers together. He could feel her grief just dancing at the edge of his consciousness, grey and the scent of sea spray.

"Thank you," she said quietly and squeezed his hand. "She was such a good dog." 

She folded over and began to sob silently with the top of her head pressed against her knees. Tuvok moved over to reposition his hand onto her heaving back. He rubbed her back with firm strokes that he hoped were suitably reassuring. 

"I grieve with thee," he said finally, lifting his other hand to wipe a tear from her face. 

They stayed like that for some time without moving (two minutes and thirty six seconds, Tuvok's mind supplied) before either of them said anything else. 

"I know that she lived a good life. And that she didn't have a long, slow decline and wasn't in any pain," Kathryn said, turning her face towards him. Her voice was not as clouded with tears, but it sounded tired. "She just went to sleep and didn't wake up again. I mean we all should be so lucky." 

"It is good that she did not suffer," Tuvok agreed. "But the fact that she did not suffer does not mean that you may not be saddened by her loss." 

"I'm only human?" Kathryn asked, with the ghost of a note of humour. 

"Every sentient race of which I am aware experiences grief. Including Vulcans," Tuvok replied. 

"Still, I don't think that Vulcans cry for hours when their pets die of natural causes at a very advanced age and with no pain. You're being very tolerant of my excesses." The teasing tone in Kathryn's voice was becoming marginally more palpable, which, Tuvok hoped, meant that she was feeling a little less emotionally vulnerable.

"While I did not cry," he volunteered, "I had a pet sehlat who died of old age when I was first in the academy. He had been my companion since childhood and my mother's before me. I had been aware when I left home that I may likely never see him again, but still I regretted very much not being there when he died."

"It must have been hard being away from home when it happened," Kathryn said, all teasing now gone. Tuvok hoped that his anecdote, intended to engender solidarity, had not provoked a recurrence of her earlier, more acute, distress. "I suppose that's part of what's been going through my head. I missed _seven years_ of her life. That's long enough for us, but for her it was almost half her lifetime." 

"But you were here for her for the last few years of her life," Tuvok said. "And you were here today." 

"Yes," Kathryn replied. "I wonder sometimes if I did the wrong thing taking her back from Mark when she'd spent so many years with him. I was worried at first that she wouldn't even remember me! I can't tell you how relieved I was when she first saw me and she came running over so fast like she couldn't wait another second to be with me. But maybe I let myself be selfish taking her back and it would have been better for her for things to stay the same." 

"I cannot imagine that you would ever do anything selfish when it came to making a decision regarding a living being you had a duty of care towards," Tuvok said. 

Kathryn smiled softly and leaned against his shoulder. 

"You know, I've lost people who served under me. I've had to literally step over the bodies of friends in battle and continue on. And I've been able to do that. But this.... this has just hit me like a block of concrete. I didn't even remember to cancel with you. I've just been a wreck all day." 

"I would not describe two hours as 'all day,'" Tuvok said mildly, "And while it is possible for you as an officer to compartmentalise while under extreme duress when there are lives at risk and a ship of people depending on you, it does not follow that it is unacceptable to feel the full weight of an event and be affected by it accordingly when you in your own home and the worst possible outcome is crying in front of a friend."

"Now that does not sound like very Vulcan advice," Kathryn said.

"No," Tuvok agreed. "But you are not Vulcan." 

"Well there is that," Kathryn agreed. "I'm glad you're here, Tuvok. I'm sorry I forgot to call you, but even still it's good to have a friend with me." 

"I am glad to help," Tuvok said. "I apologise that I cannot be of more assistance emotionally." 

"You're doing better than you think you are," she replied. She sat a little more upright and rubbed her eyes again slightly brusquely with her knuckles. "Now! I still haven't gotten you that tea."

She stood up and he rose too to follow her into the kitchen. 

"Perhaps, if you have not already, I could help you dig a grave afterwards," he said. 

"Thank you. That would be a very great help," she smiled at him again, sadly. "I was going to call Mark, but I can't quite face that just now. I'll let him know later when I'm going to bury her in case he wants to come, but for now..."

"For now we will drink tea," Tuvok said. "And later will come soon enough."

**Author's Note:**

> This work was largely inspired by one of my own dogs passing away late in April. As a result, I was a little late in starting work on it, so it is currently unbeta-ed. I apologise for any compromise in quality that has resulted from this.


End file.
